Humor and fun on Steamboats

And then there's the announcement out in the middle of nowhere on the Miss. River that we are passing the point where Hudson discovered the Mississippi. They would just look and look. Seems the bigger the lie, the faster people took the bait and believed it.

A humorous exchange between Bud Black and a reporter from a California newspaper as we were passing by some covered hopper barges: the woman asked Bud what was in the barges... Bud promptly replied, "Manure." She wrote this on her pad and asked him how he could tell. Bud told her to look closely and she could see the flies all around it. She went over to the window to look and wrote on her pad some more.

Lexie Palmore;27079 wrote: And then there's the announcement out in the middle of nowhere on the Miss. River that we are passing the point where Hudson discovered the Mississippi. They would just look and look. Seems the bigger the lie, the faster people took the bait and believed it.

Now that made me Laugh Lexie! I forgot about that one.

Oh we could probably go on and on about the answers to one of the most infamous questions a Passenger could ask, "What are they hauling in those barges"? One of my personal favorites for empties was Ping Pong balls.

This is quickly becoming my favorite .org thread.

Chet Foster, engineer on the Belle of Louisville was accosted by a couple of men one of whom asked him where the stem was. Dead-faced, Chet replied, "Buddy I don't know; I just come to her last week."

We used to torture smart-alecky navy veterans. They would ask, "Where's the head?" The answer was always, "Go forward and dowstairs." On arrival there the deckhand guarding the forward doorway would point forward and say, "There she is, sir." After a little more discussion the passenger would be told, "Oh, you mean the TARlet. Go upstairs and you'll find it on the left side of the boat at the back corner."

We have a new Safety Director. She sent a color chart about hydration and its effect on urine color, and asked that it be posted "above the head". I wondered for a full minute about why in the world she wanted this chart posted over head, when I realized she meant over the commode in the bathroom.

Jon Im quite sure your dad can add some good ones here. And Robert isnt the lavratory just around the stack, passing the pile of Periodicals just before you get to the Egress. and speaking of Egress I'll never forget the time Capt. Ed Winford made what I believe was his first trip in the Delta Queen and when he saw the Egress sign he said "Oh, well I thought an Egress was a bird with long legs"

Yep. Right close to the "fresh breath machine".

For the uninitiated, in the old Officer's Quarters on the Sun Deck of the DELTA QUEEN, the hallway split around the smokestack. Outboard on both sides of the stack were doors leading out on deck. Capt. Jim Blum, a dedicated Anglophile, had me letter "Egress" in the alcoves leading to the doors. The "fresh breath" machine was the self-contained breathing apparatus stored in this hallway in a trunk. It was lettered as such, but Capt. Rip Ware called it the Fresh Breath Machine. We would joke that it contained toothpaste, a toothbrush, mouthwash, chewing gum, etc. for those (who will remain nameless) who were in need of such. Mel and Lexie know who they were.

And I think it's DeSoto, not Hudson. Wrong car. Getting senile.

That was funny too Lexie, I racked my brain trying to figure out who Hudson was.

Capt. Reynolds I had totally forgotten about the big black box sitting in the corner there. And dont forget the old Burma Shave sign we had in there. Didnt you do that sign too Bob? How we lived in those tiny closets up there is beyond me. You and Sharon had that corner room that was just big enough for the bed. I was really disappointed when we returned in 97 to see they had changed all that. I'll think about Ya'll next Tuesday evening when I spend the night on her.

Hudson

mel hartsough;27100 wrote: That was funny too Lexie, I racked my brain trying to figure out who Hudson was.

Hudson was the one who invented those rods connecting the crankshaft to the machinery, but Pitman bought the naming rights for $50,000, which in those days was huge.

The Wild Louisiana Deer !

Greetings From New Orleans ,
First of all , Mel thanks so much for starting this thread ! It does bring back some GREAT memories of life on the steamboats , back in the days of our youth and when WE were the inmates that ran the asylum !
There were so many " incidents " that brought a smile to my face and a hard laugh that they were just too many to recall !
Having said that , I do remember one such incident that I am sure many DO recall and especially the two unwilling actors that stared in this less than stellar performance !
When this certain incident occurred , I was the After Watch Pilot , on the Str. Delta Queen and we were north bound and " Running The Chute " behind the Bayou Goula Towhead . As I recall , it was a very pleasant , sunny spring afternoon and we were about mid way through the chute , when something caught my eye on the shore side of the chute ! I picked up the field glasses and took a better look and much to my surprise and amazement there in broad daylight , there on a multi colored blanket , was a young couple , buck naked and in the throes of ecstasy !
Well , needless to say , I figured that this was just too good to be viewed and enjoyed by just a few so with out hesitation ! I promptly announced on the DQ's , public address system , " Ladies and Gentleman , coming into view on the Starb'd side of the boat is a pair of famous Louisiana Wild Deer !
Well , in no time at all , I felt the boat take a rather hard Starb'd list due to the attention that the passengers were showing to this rather unusual event and to help promote this spectacular event , I started blowing the DQ's whistle and ringing the boat's bell as well !
Well , needless to say , the couple on the bank that were so vigorously enjoying one another's attention , looked up , immediately stopped what they were involved in , the male deer immediately jumped to his feet and took off running in a rather helter skelter fashion and showed one and all his rather ample back side ! The female deer had the good sense to immediately hide under the foliage of the multi colored blanket that they were on and stayed out of sight until we had passed !
With out a doubt , on that trip , on that day , both passengers and crew of the Str. Delta Queen certainly received more than they had hoped for and more than what they expected on this trip up the MIssissippi River so long ago !
I some times wonder if those two deer ever recall that special sunny afternoon , when they just happened to witness an old river steamer pay them a very special and well earned salute and become the point of interest of hundreds of both passengers and crew ? Who ever they are , I wish them the best for bringing a smile and a fond memory to all those people and myself , that just happened to be at the right place and at the right time in history !
Just another fond story and memory from my days on the Str. Delta Queen !
Smooth Sailing !
Ted Davisson
WA-4142

mel hartsough;27076 wrote: I remember back in the good ol days as a Deckhand on the Mississippi Queen occasionally we would have fun with the passengers and throw a little light hearted humor out and fool with them. Things such as a Pax would ask how many Knots we were going and I'd say oh no sir we go by Kilometers per hour. Or they'd ask if there was an Auto-Pilot and Id say no sir we have a Riverboat Pilot. And back in those days there was no Riverlorian or Narrarator to make point of interest announcements so some of the Pilots would take that initiative. The one that sticks out in my mind is Capt. Ted Davisson. Ill never forget the first time I heard it I was making deck rounds checking trashcans and ashtrays and an anouncement came over by Ted that said "Ladies and Gentlemen if you will look to your Starbord side you will see a herd of genuine Louisiana Deer" well the boat dang near listed to starbord within minutes as all the Pax were moving to the starbord side to see a herd of Herford cattle. The other one was as we were passing St. Francisville one time and they had these sand or salt domes that I think the Corps. used and Ted came over the loudspeaker anouncing " to the port side of the vessel we will be passing the Pyramids of St. Francisville" and again the boat took a list, this time to Port. I seem to recall another anouncement as we passed a dredge about a Government Sand mining operation. Those were the days...

One of my all time favourites that I pulled was when we moved the calliope console to the aft end of the Texas Deck on the BELLE OF LOUISVILLE. After the move I realized I was the only crew member on the upper decks available to passengers during boarding rather quick. They would come in droves to ask questions while I was playing. One of the most popular was "where's the bathroom?" One day I had at least 20 or so visitations from passengers looking for said facilities and it was in the middle of the hot season when tempers are shorter. I decided I had heard this question too many times for a given day and decided to make a ball of yarn out of one of our elderly male passengers for my inner cat. He asked the aforementioned question and with a dead pan, expressionless face I replied, "We don't have any". He then began a little dance followed by a look of horror and I added insult to injury with this statement..."Why do you think we have wire mesh railings? Just stand very close to them and no one will see anything.". This passenger started to walk toward the railing looking a little confused, very serious about the matter at hand, and desperate. I stopped him on the way there and gave proper instructions to the location of our clean and available restroom facilities.

On the BELLE it was considered a right of passage for a new (or "green") deckhand to be sent to the engine room after one of his or her first stints as Pilothouse watchman to ask the Chief "to raise the paddlewheel a little, as it was dragging the boat down". Another common silliness this new person might have to ask for in the engine room is a "bucket of steam".

Sometimes having fun on a steamboat is how you get through your day. For despite what you might have read and seen elsewhere, it is not nearly as romantic as Mark Twain said. However, it is the most fun I have ever known in my life!

Thank you Judy I never knew any of that. see ya next month?

Thank you Travis for reminding me of the fact that it went beyond the Pax and into the crew. One of my favorites was sending the Green DH to the pilot house for the Key to the sundial or to the engine room for the Portable Bulkhead stretcher. Another story that comes to mind....we hired a deckhand on the MQ fresh out of the Navy once and the poor fellow had quite a set of hearing apparatus attatched to the side of his head. Well back in those days everybody got a nickname....and this fellows was pretty obvious. I being the Mate and trying to be fair to all my crew asked the rest of the crew not to be too hard on the fellow by rubbing in the nickname as it wasnt his fault he was born born to resemble a Cab with the back doors open even though he was a bit annoying with his Naval ways and Whatnot. We could tell right off he didnt like the Nic they pinned on him. Well Lo and behold he'd only been on a few weeks when one morning while making a landing in front of 300+ passengers and crew he was dragging the sternline out to a tree and over the Loudspeaker the Captain bellows very Loudly "EARS, HEY EARS NOT THAT ONE, THE ONE WITH THE WHITE MARK ON IT EARS" and of course Im trying not to double over in laughter and keep a straight face but that was a lost cause. Those were the days........

Another explorer, Henry Hudson, after whom the Hudson river is named.

Bob Reynolds mentions about Jim Blum's signage in the old Officer's Quarters area. Well the most obvious Jim Blum touch in this area were the signs painted on the side of the smokestack on both the starboard and port sides. The colors and verbage were taken right from the old Pullman Company. The signs read: "QUIET is requested for the benefit of those who have retired."

And there was always at least one passenger to ask, "How long does your two-hour trip last?"

It depends if Gilligan is on board or not! Oh wait, that was a three-hour tour. . . .

Alan Bates;27158 wrote: And there was always at least one passenger to ask, "How long does your two-hour trip last?"

Now you've gone and done it, Alan.

My favorite? "Does the crew live onboard?"

All in good fun.

Paul

LIKE BUTTON

Ted... this is one of those great steamboat stories that rarely make it out of the pilothouse. A tale the Rubes, hanging around in the dark with secret tape recorders, hope of getting... the "genuine article" the crew routinely shares amongst themselves. Great story; well-told. 🙂

My favorite from the sales side of steamboatin' - "Do you have cruises down the river as well as up the river?"