Humor and fun on Steamboats

One year in Cincinnati while sitting in the Forward Cabin Lounge delaying our disembarking, a group of newbies boarded. We both smiled at hearing, "What do you mean there's no closet!" from one passenger, but we laughed out loud when another one at her table asked her husband, "Is the paddle wheel in the front or the back of the boat?"

We heard something similar in Stillwater this week while waiting for the Empress to depart. I was on the deck taking pix and heard a passenger asked over and over "Where's the front of the boat?"

Some of the questions asked aboard the BELLE OF LOUISVILLE during harbor cruises in the early 1970's when I was a crew member:

1. Is this the old sidewheeler J.S?
2. Is this the boat that blew up at Pittsburgh? (Island Queen #2)
3. Will we pass Cincinnati on this cruise?
4. That wheel on the back is a fake and just for show isn't it?
5. Will we see the arch at St. Louis today?
6. Could you turn down that loud music (the steam calliope!)
7. Is this the Mississippi River?
8. Is this the boat that raced the Rob't E. Lee?

At the Howard Steamboat Museum, we sometimes get some "stunning" questions that cause a pause in our tour spiel. One of the most frequent is: "Did the Howard's keep their slaves chained in the basement?" The mansion was completed in 1894, so the "unpleasantness" had been over for quite some time. And Indiana was NOT a slave state anyway!

A lady asked me one day, "You keep talking about a shipyard. WHERE in the world could there have been a SHIPYARD?" (In the same place across the street that it's been since 1834!

Oh well! We must be gracious and keep in mind that our job is to EDUCATE the public in the ways of steamboating and the river!

In the fall of 1977 Phil Donahue did a show on the Mississippi Queen. Among his guests were Glen Campbell, Loretta Lynn, and Larry Flynt. Some of these folks disembarked at St. Francisville and Larry was one of them. Having been at the wrong place at the wrong time I got stuck with pushing Larrys wheelchair up the hill to the bus while one of the porters carried his bags. As we reached the top of the hill Larry shook my hand, said thank you, and proceeded to pull a 20 dollar bill from his pocket and told the porter "son Im going to give this to Jesus in your name". Well my jaw probably hit the ground and I promptly turned around and headed back down to the boat because I knew I wasnt going to be able to keep my composure very long. Now having lived in what is referred to as Jerry Falwells town for the past 24 years I would see him out on occaision and one evening as my wife and I were stopping at a Subway to grab a bite here pulls up a Black Suburban and out steps Dr. Falwell(thats what his constituants referred him as). Well I got up my nerve and went over to him and said Dr. Falwell Id like to shake your hand and he gladly stuck his hand out and gripped mine with a very manly handshake. I then said thank you now I can say Ive shaken yours and Larry Flynts hand 20 years apart and I then told him the story about the boat and he smiles, shakes his head and says Yes, thats Larry.

I was one of those Rubes, but I got some stuff on tape because I was a crew member (maybe not the raunchiest stuff, but that was ok). Reminds me of the book by Richard Bissell about his times on the river. He was eager to hear some tall tales from the crusty old rivermen and all he got was a discussion about laundry detergent.

Yeah Lex, remember when we tried to get some "tales on tape" out of Cappy Louden and he was wise to the fact that we were hiding a recorder back there behind the cushions on the lazy bench and wouldn't do anything but cuss! Capt. Rip Ware, on the other hand, LOVED to make recordings. I once asked him to tell about how to make and use a lead line. He said, "OK Keith, turn on yo' machine theah and I'll even sing da lead calls." This he did, and I also have some other cassette tapes, SOMEWHERE, made in the DQ pilothouse, many of them recorded in the middle of the night, such as Bob Reynolds, then mate, doing expert imitations of well known river characters. Them wuz the days!

Your Mentor, Captain Harry Louden, was one who clamed up tighter than the descriptive term he so fondly used when he got the glimmer of 'spyware' smuggled into in the pilothouse on dark nights. Harry's antimated antics switched from clogging to the tune of "Turkey in the Straw" to the soft, puffing sounds of his pipe and the mechanic movement of the steering gear as he stared out the window at the river ahead.

Well its a good thing you asked him Keith because you reminded me of a time when I secretly recorded him and the next day and then went to play the tape and Rip says curiously oh let me see that, so dummy me hands him the tape and he proceeds to walk out on the bridge wing and toss it in the river after which I got a finger in my face telling me "dont you ever Ree-cord me without askin me first". Last time I did that.

I think that humor while completing a daily task aboard the Admiral was very important. Capt. Bill Carroll was the "best" at turning the mundane, sometimes monotonous daily cruise narration into something special and usually quite humorous. He really had a knack for using quips and anecdotes that would make an otherwise boring recitation into something unique, anticipated daily and downright fun!

I always liked the one where the passenger asks, "Do you make your own electricity on board?" "No, sir (or ma'am, as the case may be), we have a very long extension cord plugged in down in New Orleans."

Those are kind of like the ones in the crew quarters on the Delta Queen that say, "QUIET is requested for the benefit of those who are sleeping around you." One day, I noticed someone (Bud Black, more than likely) had gone around and crossed off the last word on every one of those signs.

Jazzou we actually told new crewmembers once that we had a big spool for cable TV.

The most often asked question about my 101 year-old 22' steam launch is "did you build it yourself?" Now, I realize that I am no longer in the first blush of youth, but not many of us on this board were doing very much in 1910. Donno a good answer but, upon sober reflection, mebbe:..."well, my kids had to help me with the heavier parts." A common request is for me to "blow the horn aqain...that sounds cool". Also, it is a rare adult who fails to mention the AFRICAN QUEEN when seeing it. Judging by the number of folks who evidently saw that movie, it musta made a lot of money! The folks in the County Clerk's Office also laugh when I tell them it is a three-horsepower inboard. Cap'n Walnut

Well, maybe they haven't seen the movie. We had our 50' paddlewheel, Mississippi style, steamboat compared to the African Queen, which in the movie is a disreputable looking little piece of junk. One tour boat owner I knew was insulted to have his boats compared to the African Queen.

By the way, congratulations on keeping a 100 yr. old boat afloat.

World's Last Wood Burning...

On page 20 of the 3rd June issue of BOATS & HARBORS is an ad for:
"The World's Last Wood Burning Steam Powered Stern PaddleWheeler ..." for "$350,000 Boat & Business" "$125,000 Boat Only"

What was the contact for that? I have heard that the Graceful Ghost is for sale or being sold. It burns wood but I don't think it's the last one, by any stretch.

Contacts

Call (903) 789-2238, or: Home Page. Missing the GHOST?

LOL, etc.

These stories are too funny. An award-winning thread if there ever was one.
"Thank you for sharing"....

Thanks, Lexie, for the congratulations...you KNOW what it is to maintain a steamer. And, yeah, Lexie, I agree that they made the AFRICAN QUEEN out to be poorly maintained etc. But the fact is that she charmed several generations of movie-goers and is at it yet. What they saw (and are still seeing) remains their daffynition of a steam launch. Alan will tell you that when the AQ lived in Louisville, the owner, the late Jim Hendricks, treated the poor thing like Cap't Allnut (Bogart) did in the movie...kicking and hammering to get the desired effect. Hendricks trailered the AQ all over the country and even took it to England. It made headlines wherever it went...something our queen didn't always do. I hate to say this but I believe it's the truth...the African Queen is more widely known...and with affection...than our queen, the DELTA QUEEN! Tens of thousands have ridden the DQ and seen her in action. But millions have seen...and remembered...the movie. Bogy got his only academy award for best actor therein, and there were three other nominations including best actress, best screenplay adaption and best director. Sigh! I'm afraid it'll be around when we are all gone. AFRICAN QUEEN now lives, if you can call it that, in a Key Largo Holiday Inn. Cap'n Walnut.

Well that's the Ghost. It's Capt. Ron's phone number. I miss some things, but it was a lot of work, and we're not getting any younger. Really miss the money.

Maybe I should go rescue the African Queen from her state of suspended animation and give tours on one of these lakes up here. I would restore her to the scuzzy appearance as was in the movie, eliminating at least one aspect of maintenance and upkeep.

Lexie: You would not hafta do much to restore it to the scuzzy appearance in the movie from the photos I've seen fairly recently. She has an iron or steel hull said to have come from the same yard that supplied the steel for the TITANIC and at about the same time. She is about 32 feet long and would be a real over-the-road load. The engine and boiler renovation may well be something else. She has a code boiler but years of neglect...I am no expert on the subject but do have an extensive file on her. Cap'n Walnut.

It's pretty much a pipe dream anyway. Not that any of the above I haven't already done. It's the money, honey. Can you imagine what the price of that thing would be, especially at auction? Things to do if I win the lottery....

The Belchfire!

Hey, and I know Lexie should remember this because I think she named it, but does anyone remember when we had that Temprorary Bow Thruster engine on the Bow of the DQ. Undoubtedly one of the most annoying things we ever had to put up with. But we named this big yellow Diesel engine the "Belchfire" as It tended to cough and spit and belched a big puff of smoke when it fired up. It was also so loud that you couldnt hear anything such as the loudspeakers and the Captains orders over it.